’ow to make a perfect omelette
For those of you keeping track, I promised to write a post on how to make a perfect omelette. Originally, I wanted to take pictures of the process, but SEEING THAT SOMEONE IN MY APARTMENT IS TOO LAZY TO BUY EGGS, I’ll have to deal with the images Google has tossed out at me. I also promised to do the whole thing in Greenskin. So let’s get these eggs cracking.
Oi! Listen up stupid ’eads! We iz gonna be goin’ o’a ’ow to make some yummy eggies to munch on when da warboss ain’t payin’ attention. But you gotta ’ave da right stuff before you start firin’ up your pan. So you iz to ’ave da followin’ stuff.
- Dree big eggiez, preferably da brown ones
- Velveeta cheese
- Bacon o’ da turkey variety. Me tummy can’t process pork or beef crap, so deal wiv da fact it’s from a birdie an’ not a piggy
- One big fat onion lookin’ fin’
- Feta cheese stuff
- Sharp an’ pointy cheedar cheese stuff
- Basily leaves
If you don’t ’ave da above stuff, den your omelette is not perfect! Make sure you iz all of dese fings den start firin’ up your skillet. Also be sure to ’ave a bowl ready for smashin’ da eggiez an’ a flip-flip fingy to make your omelette perfect.
First, cook up a couple strips of bacon. I like mine close to burnt, but whateva works for you iz good. But if you want da perfect omelette, burnt is da way to go! Second, take onion lookin’ fin’ an’ chop it up into itty bitty pieces. Sauté da onion pieces until dey’re golden brown, den put dem off to da side for now.
Wiv dat all set up, you can start takin’ your dree eggiez an’ smashin’ dem in da bowl. Be sure not to get any stupid shells bits in da bowl. Den take a fork to beat da eggiez in real good. Don’t use a wisk, dose is for sissy stunties!
When your skillet is flamin’ ’ot, be sure to flick in some butta to grease it up real good. Den take eggies an’ pour dem in. Be sure to ’ave some slices of Veleeta cheese ready to drow in. Usin’ a rubba spatula, stir da cheese into da eggiez right fast. If your skillet iz ’ot enough, it will melt in perfectly an’ make some good cheesy eggiez. If you iz too slow, da eggies will cook too fast an’ make scrambled eggiez. SCRAMBLED EGGIEZ ARE NOT OMELETTES.
Next, crumble up your bacon into on ’alf of da eggiez. Do da same wiv da oinion pieces an’ toss some feta cheese in dere, too. Dis will make it da bestest! Let it cook until da eggiez don’t look as runny anymore. Den take your flip-flip fingy an’ flip da empty side of da omelette o’a to make a perfect fold.
While waitin’ for da omelette to cook fully, take da cheddar cheese an’ put two slices on top. If you put a lid o’a da skillet, da cheddar cheese will melt perfectly on top. Da bestest way to tell when da omellete is done is to make sure da inside aren’t runny. Just poke at it a bit an’ if n’nuffink comes out, den it’s done!
Slide da omelette onto your plate (wot, you didn’t ’ave a plate ready!?) an’ garnish it wiv basil an’ lotza peppa. Don’t use any salt! Da feta cheese ’as enough salt in it to make up for usin’ any salt. Make sure you let your omelette cool down before eattin’ it, or else it’ll be just like dat one time a stuntie knocked me back in Tor Annroc. When you iz ready to eat, stab da omelette wiv your choppa an’ munch away!
WAAAGH! You just made da perfect omelette!